Recently, I've been writing a book. Or, at least, I think I have been. Here's how my days look:
5am- plan to get up
7am- actually get up
7.30am- head to the gym for an ass-kicking 90-minute workout!
9am - return from the gym after 30 minutes of light weights and a lot of sitting down
9.15am - eat breakfast at desk- much too busy to take a break
9.30am- arse around on twitter, make and drink three coffees, chew pen. Check Facebook, back to twitter immediately. Remember about Instagram- make a note to check it later
10am- finally get going. Writing writing writing! Pause occasionally to think of parallels with Hemingway. So many parallels
12.30pm- lunch, nap, walk. Consider going to pub- go home instead. Discipline is important. Think about how well book is going
1.30pm consider another nap, play guitar
2pm- spend 25 minutes trying to think of an amusing twitter status about writing
2.25pm - briefly catch sight of what's happening in the real world on twitter, feel humbled
2.26pm- begin complaining about writing again
2.45pm- back on it. Move over, Steinbeck, Dostoevsky...etc. Occasionally look at reference books on desk and think 'Suckers, this is what a real book looks like.'
4.30pm- drink seventh coffee of the day, take a 5 minute break
7pm - act surprised that it's been over two hours since any writing happened
7.30pm - eat toast and apples at desk- too busy to pause to make proper food
8pm- do best writing of the day. What a legend!
9.30pm - read over day's work. Feel horribly, awfully depressed. Text everyone to tell them about the full day of writing that's just occurred
10pm- go to bed - early nights are important
10.05pm-check twitter on phone for an hour. Look at weeks of unanswered emails. Think about how long it's been since any money came in. Descend into deep fear and self-loathing
REPEAT FOR THREE MONTHS
*occasionally replace all steps from 12pm onwards with 'Drink Heavily'